Manhattan was our Fifth Lady, too

holy manolos did we have a good time in new york city!

bonnie & i went up early wednesday night, and after a few stops for peeing & diet coke we finally made it to the hotel at 1am. i'll be damned if we weren't on the island for 10 minutes before we had found ourselves a man! we met greg from chicago at the bar in the hotel, where we sat waiting for a room & drinking cosmos compliments of greg until 3 am.

thursday i slept late and then shopped on 5th avenue while bonnie went to her meeting. i had a $3 cup of coffee while i sat in the window of a little shop & i felt very new york. jerry from high school & i had sushi for dinner and then we met up with bonnie & friends at red sky, where i fell in love with virginia! after several cosmos & vt's, bonnie & i decided that red sky wasn't bumpin' enough for us, so we decided to leave the cute british men flirting like mad & go to the 40 40 club to shake it.

the 40 40 is owned by jay z & is tres hip right now, as evidenced by all the VIP rooms behind curtains - one of which allegedly held lennox lewis. it had been less than an hour, so naturally it was time to meet more boys. this time it was darryl (daryl? darrell?) and diamond who were cute & very tall & took us all over town looking for places to dance. (um, we were in new york, right?) that didn't work out so well, and in the time we spent driving around bonnie suddenly got slammed by all that vodka she'd been pounding, so we bought cheese and crackers and chocolate and ate it all in bed, smiling, at 3 am.

d & d starting calling our cell phones at 9 am the next morning (and hadn't stopped as of last night!) so we got up around 10 friday and shopped! as if nyc isn't fabulous enough, it is also leading the way in the equal opportunities for dogs crusade. i can't tell you how happy i was to turn around to check my ass in the mirror at saks only to see a jack russell checking out my ass, too! i'm telling you, i can imagine nothing better than shopping with my dog. just think how well we'd accessorize!

about this time jessica & genevieve arrived, so we headed to the st. regis to meet them. we were already getting a super deal of a rate, but when we arrived we realized we had been upgraded to a corner suite! it was gorgeous & huge & best of all it had 2 bathrooms. that turned out to best part of the room; g may be small, but damn! girlfriend can hog a mirror. and it only takes one slap in the eye of that blonde hair whipping around before you learn to just get out the way. the lobby of the st. regis afforded us our first 2 celebrity sightings -- mike tyson & evander holyfield. don't they try pretty damn hard to avoid each other? i think if tyson came near me after biting off my ear lobe i'd slap his motherfuckin' bitch up.

friday afternoon we lunched & sipped cappucinos & shopped more before we came back to the room (already exhausted) to dress for dinner. it was about this time that i discovered the champagne, strawberries & beautiful personalized birthday cakes that joe had sent to the room. i am not ashamed to say there were 4 girls jumping up & down & shrieking in that parlor. and i haven't even gotten to the porn yet!

friday dinner at zarela's with all the girls, plus jerry from high school and my new love virginia, was wonderful! the atmosphere was fun, the food was great, and the company was even better. diamond was persistent enough to get himself invited out for a drink at snafu before we headed to bungalow eight. we all looked great, if i do say so, and g enjoyed ringing in her birthday at this *elite* club. she & jess stayed late while the rest of us headed off to dance (yes, still in pursuit!), but i totally fizzled and went home early and saw big boi in the lobby! he was looking sharp in his white suit and red shirt, complete with a blinding amount of bling bling.

saturday we all got up and, you guessed it, shopped all day, this time with my other new love, stephanie! bonnie used to live with steph, and i'm pretty sure she is one of our deconjoined twins, well, now triplets. i found two pairs of fabulous shoes and ended the day happy. apparently if you have fake boobs and blonde extensions and little rhinestones inlaid on your toenails then cheezy, hairy jersey men buy your shoes for you.

but oh oh oh! while shopping in soho sarah silverman (!!!!!) asked me for fashion advice!
"how does this look? is it cute?"
"oh yes, i like it."
"but, is it too small? i mean, it's so cool, but..."
"nope, the sleeves look okay. i think it's great."
"okay! then i have to rip out this fucking shoulder pads."

en fuego, i tell you.

in the evening joe treated us to a round of drinks at the king cole bar. we were supposed to be thanking him for all the wonderful surprises, but instead he just reinforced my theory that unless i start dating paris hilton (can't be that hard; she's dated everyone else), i can never travel again. i have been spoiled.

dinner saturday night at artisinal with the girls was quite sex & the city. we totally enjoyed the fondue. and the wine. and the desserts. oh the fondue! i sure love me some cheese. after dinner it was off to the canal room where jessica did some record-setting ass shaking.

sunday morning we said goodbye to the suite and bonnie & i headed to chelsea for coffee with my friend from austin, beth! it was so good to see her. brunch was at the uber-trendy pastisse, where we met the delightful maggie and spotted the H-O-T-T rocco. oh yeah, we also saw sandra bernhardt (ick) and one of bonnie's soap actresses whose pants were too short for her jeans. money & fame will not give you taste, kids.

all in all it was a wonderful weekend! i'll go anywhere with you, bees.