5.28.2004

e2theLos has no social plans for this long weekend, but i just read my horoscope and it says that "last-minute invitations may arrive."

i'd like to change that 'may' to 'will,' and i need your help.

so, if anyone cares to show up at my door with a bunch of flowers or send a singing telegram to invite me out, i'm game. you know where to find me.

5.27.2004

It's a Small World After All

if any of y'all have visited the links to the right, you've probably been to que sera sera and you know how delightful & intersting sarah brown is. if you haven't, then i suggest you get right on it, right after you see a lindsey lohan movie and send me that t-shirt. wink wink.

i linked to que sera sera through dooce, and i found her blog to be so entertaining that i read several years worth in only several days. in a few old posts i realized that i knew a few of her friends, including her best friend, and, as it turns out, her first real boyfriend.

in yesterday's post, however, she referenced her first boyfriend (please do not confuse this with her first real boyfriend) - a boy named matt with several sisters and only one thumb. now i knew a boy named matt with several sisters and only one thumb, and this realization prompted us to chat all morning about who we knew and who knew who and all that. it was a morning of "oh my god!" and "i totally knew him!" and "who else can we think of - this is so fun!" and memories of people and places i haven't seen or even thought about for years and years, some victims of circumstance and some i intentionally excommunicated.

it seems we shared lots of friends, both close and peripheral, and it seems so strange that we never met. to give you an example of how many near misses we have had, i asked her if she knows my friend jerry, who is also from tulsa and who also lives in park slope. her response? "No, but I was at a party last weekend where this girl said she knew a guy from Tulsa named Jerry! Asdkjsdfjasfjd. I have to meet him!"

in all the fuss, however, we realized that we were talking about two different matts. but what are the odds of our knowing two different thumbless matts with lots of sisters, both from tulsa?

it's a small world afterall.

Proud Announcement

this world just doesn't have enough lindsey lohan!!! i've been a fan since she starred in the remake of the parent trap, and for those of you just getting on board, i highly recommend you go rent it.

p.s. i want this t-shirt.

5.26.2004

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
-Ambrose Bierce

i know why no one is leaving comments on e2theLos.

it's because you all are afraid of my (wha)guatemalan-ness, my natural eh-heat. i'm too preeemative for choo.

it's okay; i get it all the time.

Confidential to all American Idol Viewers

i've kept my pretty little mouth shut this whole american idol season, what with jpl staying in for several more rounds than he should have as we kept spiraling through the inner rings of hell, jasmine and that fucking flower in her hair, and the most conclusive evidence that clear channel is ruining the aesthetic sensitivities of the american public - latoya's getting the boot. but i can stay silent no more.

IF CLOWNY DIANA DEGARMO WINS AMERICAN IDOL TONIGHT AND TALENTED, MARY J. BLIGE-ESQUE FANTASIA GETS SECOND PLACE...WELL, THEN, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO SAY. BUT YOU PEOPLE WILL DESERVE ALL THE HOOBASTANK, TRAIN, BRITNEY AND DONNA SUMMER COVERS THAT ARE COMING YOUR WAY.

5.25.2004

Greetings Friends and Family of the Weatherford Jackson Band

Mark Jackson has finally returned from his Australian pilgrimage (to view the rock his ancestors crawled out from under), and the WJ Band is set to begin its worldwide Hill Country summer tour.

Currently, we have the following firm dates:

May 29 Chili's (Kerrville) on the Guadalupe River stage This Coming Saturday! Saturday; 8-11:00
(there's no better place to enjoy a tasty top shelf margarita)

June 11 Chili's (Kerrville) (encore performance)
Friday; 7-10:00

June 12 Texas Folklife Festival (San Antonio, Tx.)
(Saturday; TBA) The WJ Band makes its Folklife Festival debut!

June 13 Texas Folklife Festival (two more performances)
(Sunday; TBA)

Rave Reviews For the Weatherford Jackson Band:

Overheard at Kerrville's Downtowner after a recent WJ Band performance:

"Simply Awesome! Best band I've heard all day" (Bartender)

"Incredible! I've never seen anyone roll a cigarette and play the harp at the same time" (Sound Guy)

"The WJ Band ROCKS!! They are my favorite band" (Barrett's Mom)

"Is that a drumstick in Tom's pocket, or is he just glad to see me?" (Concerned Fan)

"Hey, I recognize that song" (New Fan)

"I want to have Barrett's baby" (Groupie)

"Turn that #%&# down!!" (Steve's Dad)

The Weatherford Jackson Band

The WJ Band is a a Hill Country-based group that plays original Americana with a south-of-the-border flair, throwing in an occasional cover for good measure.

We are:

Mark Jackson (vocals, guitar, cosmic debris)

Seth Weatherford (harp, keyboards, vocals, VP of audience participation)

Barrett Beach (bass, vocals, groupie magnet)

Steve Schulte (lead guitars, mandolin, sarcasm)

Tom Goodwyn (drums, percussion, hawaiian shirts)

Check It Out:

Don't say we didn't warn you. Don't be the last in your neighborhood to get on the Train: www.lasttrainhome.com

This Mailing List:

You have been involuntarily placed on the Weatherford Jackson Band's mailing list. If you do not wish to receive future updates, please send your restraining order to the above e-mail address, with the subject line: "Spare Me".

last night bees & i went up to erin's house, as devin is moving in with her and we had a ton of leftover beer from the weekend. and, as we all know, moving = beer.

erin lives in a colorful neighborhood, and i just love it: the street is always lively, we know most of her neighbors, everyone is always outside, & there is a firehouse at the end of the block - woo WOO! i love so much to sit on her porch and just watch life unfold.

as the evening progressed there was really a lot more beer involved than moving, as one might expect, and the conversation just kept getting more & more inappropriate, but also a hell of a lot funnier. we started talking about all the interesting characters in her neighborhood, like the guy she discovered sleeping on her neighbor's porch because she heard snoring when she was leaving for the gym very early one morning or the cuban who lives down the block who waits for her to walk her dog & always says all he wants is to drink red wine with her. i got news for you, pedro, ain't gonna be no wine drinkin' any time soon.

my favorite character, though, is curtis. curtis is the biological father of a guy who we're pretty sure deals on the block. i can't remember his name, but he's young & funny and we share a drink every now & then. his perspectives on prison were quite enlightening. anyway, his dad, curtis, is always polite and wants to do things for us in exchange for a little money or a cigarette or a beer.

for a good while curtis was sleeping in an old 1970s limo that belonged to his aforementioned son. the limo was parked in front of erin's house for a very long time, and so we made good friends with curtis - hell, he was a neighbor! in fact, we once bought a bunch of porn from curtis out of the backseat. my current roommates have no idea it's in the living room, or they totally would have hidden it before karl rove came over on saturday. (oops, they know now!)

anyway, i haven't seen curtis yet this year, so i asked what was up. turns out that erin gave him a few dollars last week to have his "prescription" filled, and in return he SLIPPED HER A BOX OF HOT BISCOTTI.

i misheard her, though, and you can imagine what i thought she meant. box. slipped. hot. biscotti. i about dropped my pierrie right then and there.

"he gave you what?! you did what?!"

right then, bees piped up.
"no, you dork. hot. eh-stolen!"

whew. hot biscotti is better than some hot biscotti, if you know what i mean...

5.24.2004

Oh Mama

sunday morning found me with a little episcopalian hangover, and, really, is there a better cure than a mai tai?

kimcam, who we shall now forthwith refer to as the genius, had made reservations for brunch at georgia brown's. on top of the biscuits, sausage, eggs, fruit, salad, grits & peach cobbler, there was also a bona fide smorgasbord of killer, hot, young black men. i mean to tell y'all there were two buffets, yes ma'am. and nothin will make e2theLos keep her happy ass in one place longer than a bowl of grits and a little eye candy.

shots out to the genius.


5.21.2004

Givin' Imelda a Run for her Manolos

one of the best & unexpected benefits of the second job is how many more times a day i now need to change my shoes. for instance, wednesday:

wednesday i wore by new black strappy sandals to work work, but they have too much of a heel and are open-toed, so i changed into my flat embroidered chinese slippers for second job, but then i got to wear my brown flip flops to walk home. and today i am wearing those same black strappy sandals, but tonight i will change into my pink suede roos.

you see, it is difficult to make sure all my shoes get time off the bench. this job just makes it all the more easy.

in other news, we watched the dark crystal last night. man, that is some whack shit! i remembered it being much more life-like as a child, and i can't believe it didn't scare the underoos right off me! those skexies are scary, and i LOVED them. i particularly loved the feast scene where the stab & pound all these cute little fluff balls they call 'dessert.'

what does this say about me?

5.18.2004

With the right makeup and some minor surgery can a large Cicada be made to resemble Ryan Seacrest?

Yes, there are many documented cases of Cicadas being successfully altered to look like Ryan Seacrest.

bees surprised me with this paul frank arthur tee last night!

YAY!!!

I've Got Some Dirt On My Shoulders - Can You Brush It Off For Me?

here's something that would knock derek fisher right on his laker ass - bikram yoga. kimcam & i went last night for the first time, and let me tell you, it was fantastic. i can easily see how this could become a very important part of your life.

bikram yoga is a series of 27 positions done in a 110 degree room over 90 minutes. kimcam & i were warned that this would be a "heat like we had never experienced." obviously little miss yoga instructor has never been to texas in august. i mean, it was hot in there, but never was it unbearable and it certainly wasn't new to us.

i had been told by another (beautiful) friend that b.y. feels just great & that she leaves there on cloud 9, feeling relaxed, and that this feeling lasts for days. i think i need to push myself a little more to get that. but i do feel fantastic and slept like a baby.

i'll get back to you on thursday, after we've gone again.



5.17.2004

bitches & kobe hos.

5.13.2004

offending canadians & silicon lovers world-wide

i'm sorry, but i couldn't care less that pamela anderson is now an American citizen. gimme a fucking break, shep.

How to tell it's summer in DC, by e2theLos

5. wolftrap is open!
4. i really believe i could live on popcicles & vodka.
3. hot, sweaty icky tourists.
2. my perfectly smooth coif turns into an afro in under 5 minutes.

and the number one reason i know it's summer in dc:
1. it's not snowing!

5.12.2004

Two friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small flower shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

zev just made a joke about having a camera outside my window, which reminded me:

recently i read about a self-confessed peeping tom who leaves a thank you note & $20 at the home of each woman he watches, asking to be allowed to keep watching. and i wondered,would iturn him in, or just put on a better show?

i decided for the show.

I Confess

yesterday i was a soccer mom.

i spent the day running errands. i had planned to take the morning off to take leroy to the vet, get my car inspected, and run to the dmv to have it registered.

FOILED!

i dropped leroy off, and after causing a small scene with a boston terrier, i was off. i immediately got a diet coke at the 7-11, and ran to the inspection site (dc has ONE location). my car FAILED INSPECTION. apparently one of my cylinders was misfiring, so i failed the emissions portion of the test. a toothless man gave me a slip of paper with a mystery code and i was off to solve the problem.

this meant i had to go to MARYLAND to see a dealer, "cause this may or not be covered by yer warranty, ma'am. i'm just gonna have to look it oeuver." so, off to maryland to see walter i was.

walter was also missing some teeth & was covered in tattoos, so i felt i was in good mechanical hands. after doing the crossword, watching my soap opera, and falling asleep in the waiting room OHMIGOD, my car was ready, free of charge.

so, back to the inspection site, right? FOILED!

i jumped on the highway as a short cut, and ended up...back in maryland! but i finally made it back to the inspection site and passed this time, bitch.

then there was a little time to kill before i could get leroy, so there was nothing to do but kidnap bees from work & go get pedicures, of course.

got leroy, paid more than the price of my first car in PRELIMINARY work vet bills, and was done.

what's the point of this story, you ask? well, i couldn't think of anything else to write. that, and i learned that i would make a killer executive assistant. i will work for $75K, plus benefits. so, let me know if you're in the market for some hot help.




5.10.2004

My, what a lovely ovipositor you have


the highlight of my weekend was dinner with the fowlers & the roommates last night. we had so much fun that when we got home, bees & i had to take the dogs to the park to let them run off-leash. after 10 minutes of running the bases, the tequila was fading & we headed home.

it was at this point that my exceptionally bright dog, leroy, discovered the first cicada nymph of the year!! millions more are soon to follow!

what did i do with this nymph, you ask? i took it inside & scared the pants of g, off course.

happy nymphing!

5.07.2004

oh my gosh, someone just wished me a happy mother's day.

what did the vato say when the 2 houses fell on him?

horale! get off me, homes!

Just Another Reason Why I'm Anti-Poodle

y'all would not believe this poodle that came in the store last night!!!

my first day at BC was last saturday. while we were training, they mentioned that BC is a dog-friendly store, and blah blah blah about the dogs & the treats &...."but wait till you meet annie..."

well, last night, i met annie.

annie is a grey poodle weighing about 25 pounds. she is perpetually at the feet of her owner, a tanned-coiffed-and-painted 50ish wine lover. annie is covered in bows. i'm talking head to tail, neon pink bows! it's awful.

now annie expects a treat when her owner gets wine, except that annie a) requires that the treat be appropriately sized, b) that the treat be served to her on the rug and c) that you pretend to eat the treat first.

so folks, last night i pretended to eat a dog biscuit in public. i'm all for luvin' your dog, but not a fuckin' poodle.

5.06.2004

internet, i gotta tell ya. if you're feeling down about one, the following will help you snap out of it real quick:
-getting a call out of the clear blue sky from a hot guy
-getting a call out of the clear blue sky from another hot guy, but this one calls himself your 'local spiderman, just climbin' up a few walls'
-winning a bottle of wine and betting an early/dinner drinks with a hot guy
-having a date with a hot guy next saturday night
-having lunch and an afternoon coke delivered to your desk by not one but two different hot guys

all in all, it's been a bumper day.

everyday i ask genevieve (notice the nice weave) if she's slept with her boss yet.

5.05.2004

earlier today i wished a coworker 'feliz cinco de mayo,' to which he responded, "i'm cuban, but, hey, i'll drink a beer & eat nachos any day."

i'm not sure which one of us committed the bigger cultural offense, but, hey, we both got a good laugh.

top story

5.04.2004

Ladies Is Pimps Too

i have brushed my shoulders off. oh, and issued a big 'fuck you.'

did i tell y'all i started a new job? i am now working at best cellars. so far it's pretty interesting, although it is already interfering with my social schedule. a tall blonde hit on me while i was ringing him, though, and that certainly helped.

oh! i meant ringing him up! ha! anyone got a pharrell for me?

5.03.2004

As promised to Zoe

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want and I will answer it. Then, I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

i think the worst part about being hurt by someone is how much you want them to put their arms around you & make it better, but knowing that you can never tell them. you can't make someone treat you in any way they're not willing to do on their own.

so, a word to the wise, internet: be good to your friends. actions speak a million times louder than compensatory words.