holy hell this is so funny!


last night i talked on the phone until 2:30 in the morning to a really dreamy boy while i listened to an esthero cd on repeat. i felt like i was 15 all over again, sneaking a phone call after my bed time. i love those conversations. you can just lose yourself in them and talk forever. many times he said, "keep talking to me" in a late night gravelly voice and i just melted.

e2theLos is tired, but very happy today.


happiness comes when we agree to love


the one to end them all was on my train again this morning!

he was on the train in the second car, like always, so i got on the second car, like always, and then there was some serious eye contact luv makin going on. it was hot. even barry white came over the loud speaker to announce our stop.

but then we had to get off. the train, that is. and i lost him in the crowd! there was a sea of urban commuters and i couldn't find him, even though he IS the best dressed tall black man i have ever seen.

and then suddenly, it happened. his hand brushed mine as he walked by me. i about died! he kept going and going and then was gone.

was it an accident? i choose to think not.


Call me Crazy, But...

so most of my mother's side of the family is coming up for the 4th of july. there will be 13 of us total, and we're missing quite a few people, for the record. dammit.

but anyway, they're all staying five days. which is totally cool. no one is staying with me, so it shouldn't be too bad. i have lots of friends who are angels and have offered to hang out with my family just for my emotional support. oh, and i'll have a flask under my skirt. it's nothing that a few pulls of bourbon won't numb.

but HERE'S what i don't understand. the big lady (oh, that's my mother) casually mentioned to me that she was staying an extra day. as if five won't be enough, she feels she needs to stay a sixth. when i mentioned this to one of the people who isn't coming, dammit, he said he knew. so apparently this was common knowledge to everyone but me. (i have to admit i find it kind of amusing that the big lady felt she shouldn't tell me. what does that tell YOU about the current mother-daughter vibe...?)

but anyway, you're probably wondering why she wants to stay an extra day, especially since she is already complaining about spending so much time with her mother, and the trip hasn't even started! well, that's what i wanted to know, too.

apparently, it's so that we can sew.

that's right, sew.

i. don't. sew.

and call me crazy, but i'm thinking that the sixth of six days of a family vacation may not be the best time for her to try to teach me...


Subject Lines of Emails I Sent/Received Today

"My Mom Says Hi!"

"Beer Fest in Virginia"

"Hey Lady!"

"Re: Your Lawsuit"

"Oh yeah, baby, oh yeah"

"We're bringing the hell bitch"

"Jammin' on the One"

"spontaneous computer shutdown"

"Dear Miss Hoochie Mama"


"Secretary Card Briefing"

"your blob is all messed up."

"THANK YOU!! (and a favor)"

"silly picture"

"something for the Los"

"can you look into this?"

"mac & cheese!!"

"Dude, when are you going to do a new blog?!"


Back. I am, not as in baby got

although, come to think of it...

i spent the past 5 days in texas, and it was so wonderful at times that i can't even put it into words. i get a really comfortable, proud, happy feeling when i am home, and i can't wait to go back in august! particularly with bees!

i was going to post while there, just to keep y'all abreast of my shopping & mexican food consumption, but then i realized that my nosy, 13-year-old sister would then have access to the blog on the pull-down menu of urls recently visited, and, well, we just can't have that. she already has a cell phone and skirts that look like belts from Units in the 80s and avril-style eye liner. not to mention that she mouthed "fuck you motherfucker" to me when i said i hadn't caught what the athlete on tv had just said. thankyouverymuch martypants.

but back to the point. i got to see mere & the grape, jorge ames, my whole family, the alamo, tons of mexicans (gosh! how i miss mexicans), south congress, the capitol, the hill country, sweet thomas, the wind & fletch, deer and cactus, a blue grass band, the tower while i had my horns up out the sunroof on 1-35, salsa, enchiladas, puffy tacos, margaritas and tons of frida stuff.

thank you to everyone who made time to see me. e2theLos is one happy girl.


My Mission. From God.

i used to think my mission was fairly straight forward. and i used to think there was just one person who was God's instrument in this lesson.

i have come to learn, however, that His instruments are endless.

my grand total of friends, family or precious balls of white fluff who are clearly Tools of His Righteousness comes to 5, to date. but last night i realized that even complete strangers can show me the Light of the Father.

at second job last night, the biggest wanker south of the mason dixon line came into the store. again. he is an executive at american express. he wears expensive suits & talks on his cell phone constantly. he winks at me from across the store & tells me that although he's working with some "senior executives, they aren't moving fast enough" & he really "just needs to get this shit moving." he's all of 24. maybe.

everytime he comes in, he & his tosser buddies ask a ton of asinine questions with an arrogant attitude. "can you tell me about this wine?" "what's your best champagne?" "are there any good vineyards around here?" "no...i want something a little smoother....no...i want something a little fuller...no...i want something a little spicier....no.." i just want to hit you over the head with this bordeaux bottle!!

but instead i pour their second bottle of champagne because they sent the first one back. "corked." i shake his hand as he leaves and tell him we'd be delighted to host his event in the store. and rather than pulling out every single goddamn eyelash one by one, i give him a little smile everytime he winks, exercising Patience and Kindness as i know He would want me to.


so later i was in the grocery store around midnight. i had decided to run in on my way home for some lunch meat & some much-needed popsicles. i was in the store for half an hour, 25 minutes of which was spent in line. there was only one group of customers ahead of me, two 20-somethings and a little girl. they were only buying two things: candy bars. sounds simple, right?


they wanted to pay for their $1.38 worth of candy with food stamps. FEDERAL FOOD STAMPS. now, by no means am i suggesting that i know how they should spend their money. and who would begrudge a 10-year-old a snickers? not me.

what did surprise me, however, was that the card kept getting declined and the girl kept trying to make it work. 11 times she tried, and 11 times it was declined. now, i don't know, but i'm thinkin' you just can't buy candy bars with food stamps.

people behind me starting yelling at them to hurry up. the cashier rolled his eyes every time she asked him to run the card again. her friend even sat down & started talking on her cell.

finally, she reached into her pocket, pulled out a wad of cash, and paid for the candy with a $20.

i just laughed at the little girl as she tore into her candy, my smile a Beacon of Holy Light.

so what's my mission? God is teaching me to give when i don't think i can give any more.


e2theLos is pleased to announce that comments are now working!!

p.s. i love intern season.



well, i finally reached aykut. he isn't working now, but will call me when he is settled.

that's all fine & dandy, but what about now?! hair. needs. to. be. done. he did ask me if i was having a hair emergency, and i somehow managed to say "no" as my head (poorly coiffed) nodded "yes." sigh.

ps - i also don't know why the comments aren't working. i haven't changed any tags, so perhaps it's a host problem. seems that all my providers are letting me down!


Very Distressed

i just called my salon, and it has closed. in fact, the cold words that ripped my heart out were "PERMANANTLY CLOSED."

closed. permanantly.

there was no explanation, and just a lame list of stylists with contact numbers. i called the number for aykut, but it goes straight to voicemail with no message. is it even him? they can't do this to me. i need to get my hair done, and aykut needs to do it. i am very distressed.

happy birthday charlie


Oh. My. Gosh.

i just went into the ladies room and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

i know what you're thinking, and yes, i am a knock out. no, i don't want your phone number.

my shirtS are totally see through! i am wearing a camisole AND a shirt, and you could totally see every bit of my bra through both of them! i couldn't believe it! shock & awe! forget about that hooker in trenton; there's a republican in dc who needs an appropriate top!

thankfully, i had another shirt in my bag for second job, so i ran back to my office and changed.

but, really, was i in some alternate dimension this morning? i looked in the mirror at least 72 times. bonnie told me i was "totally cute." i asked leroy if i looked good, and he enthusiastically wagged!

i know i was a little tired this morning and i know i stayed up too late last night watching the cheers reunion show and i know i was rushing around trying to still get out of the house on time and i know i was more concerned about my shoes than my shirt and i know i get a little excited when i listen to mos def but holy hell, who dressed me?!?!


There's Good Touching & Bad Touching, Kids

friday evening i was rushing through the dupont circle metro stop. and so was everyone else. the place was packed - commuters, school groups, tons of WWII vets - and we were all cramming onto the escalators to get off the platform. as i'm standing there, packed in like a sardine, the man in front of me reaches back & starts playing with my fingers. not finding him particularly offensive, i am amused & decide to just let this play out.

he suddenly realizes i am not his beautiful wife and proceeds to have an aneurysm. "I'M SO SORRY! I'M SO SORRY! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY WIFE! I THOUGHT THIS WAS MY WIFE'S HAND! I'M SO SORRY!" he's causing a scene. his wife, who i somehow separated from him, is right behind me with the stroller, and she's panicking because she's not sure what he did, but can HEAR HIM SCREAMING how sorry he is. and all the other people around have turned to me to try to guage what the offense is.

and i just start laughing. i mean, dude, you touched my fingers for, like, 10 seconds. chill the fuck out.

and this brings me to my point: people don't touch enough.

have you ever sat down next to someone, even someone you know, and your elbows touch? one of you will automatically pull back.* what's the big deal? touching is good. you should try it.
*this rule is null & void if you are in some kind of sexual relationship with the other touching person.