8.31.2004

Donde estaba e2theLos?

i spent the last seven days in mexico. i wrote down where we went & what we did & things we ate & drank & even our little jokes so that i could share it all with you, internet, as soon as i got back. and i am so excited to share!

but now that i'm back, and i'm not in this magical world with better, hotter showers & kick-ass coffee & amazing combinations of foods that create fireworks in your mouth, i'm sad. i'm more than a little sad. i am in full-blown dc let-down, and let me just tell you, typing this from my desk under fluorescent lights ain't helping things at all.

i'm also struggling with the best way to present my experiences, so that you, too, can fall in love with mexico city. (and that's just so you'll come visit me once i've moved there.) as soon as i can get my thoughts together, you're gonna get one helluva post.

p.s. - i did miss you.
p.p.s. - i don't know how often you folks check the links i have on this site, but send a shot out to dooce. girlfriend needs it.

8.19.2004

Hasta Luego, Pendejos

i am off tonight for ten days of breakfast tacos, late night lake swimming, margaritas, frida loving, guacamole, cathedrals, shopping, dancing with latin men, drunken talent shows, giggling with the girls, and, *hopefully*, speaking in spanish all week long.

i'll miss ya, as i'm in the water sipping a drink tomorrow. ha.

8.17.2004

ladies and gentleman, i bring to you my first ever guest post!!!
__________________________________________

e2theLos: cute blogger or diabolical jokester?!
By Bees Bacon

It was one simple practical joke with a hundred funny outcomes. I laughed, I cried, I learned a thing or twelve about my so-called friends.

I came back to my car after my frisbee game in the park a few nights ago and was putting my stuff in the back when I noticed that I had a bumper sitcker on my heretofore pristine bumper. Someone had chosen my car to emblazon with an "I (Heart) _____" bumper sticker. It was dark, so my teammate had to lean over and look a little closer to to see what was written in pen in small capital letters in the blank part. That's when he said my second favorite line from the whole season: "Bonnie, it says cock. I'm not kidding, it really says cock."

Lesson #1: Boys only make personalized cock jokes.
Horrified that some random hoodlum had chosen my car to violate with a bumper sticker that "really says cock," I assumed the culprit must have been my friend and teammate Charlie simply because he had the opportunity to stick it on my car in the parking lot because he had left the game early. He was totally offended that not only had I accused him at all, but that I suspected him of coming up with something as boring as "cock." "If I had done it," he later explained like it was perfectly logical, "it would have said I Heart Charlie's Cock."

Lesson #2: Don't play poker with e2thelos.
I forgot all about it until the next night when e2thelos and I were parking on our block and I showed it to her saying, "Oh My Gawd, look what happened to my car!" and "Can you believe someone did this?" and "I think Charlie might have done it!" and "Does this kind of thing happen to other people?!" - I went on and on. Emily looked at it, and appropriately burst out laughing and said it was so funny, etc. At no point in the conversation did I get even a glimmer that she could have done it. For real yo, that girl can keep a straight face.

Lesson #3: D is no freaking help and you should play poker with the Weave.
So the following night I showed it to D saying, "Isn't it crazy someone would do that?!" and he says something like, "Oh she's been talking about doing that for weeks." And I'm like, "Huh? What!?" And he's all, "uh... I mean ... I have no idea what you're talking about..." and made the oops-cat's-out-of-the-bag face. I tried grilling him about it, but he clammed up. I knew it was not Jess because she could not write the word "cock" because she's simply too prissy. And I thought it could be the Weave, because she would think it was hysterical, but she would fear my revenge by doing something to her ghetto ride. Which left me with e2thelos, but it was unconfirmed until the Weave came home and gave her up by not being able to keep from giggling like a fourth grader when I asked her about it.

Lesson #4: Salt + your wound = your friends' entertainment.
That night e2thelos finally admitted doing it and everyone had a good laugh. 10 minutes later, they had darkened the ink on "cock" so you could see it better and added the word "moist" from our refrigerator magnetic poetry above it.

8.12.2004

no longer working for the man - update already!

Establishing Limits

so a friend of mine came to visit last week. he was driving from texas to canada, so he stopped in for a week's visit. from the moment he got here, it seemed, his visit was an exercise in establishing limits.

we started with beer, and it didn't take too long to find out how many is too many. next we turned to nachos. then rolaids. it seems the limit for rolaids is, in fact, higher than nachos. then there was snoring. oh. my. God. the snoring. my snoring threshold is unsurprisingly low, and i was down the hall & in jessica's bed in a flash. next there were snaps. what IS the limit for snaps? i'm talking about those pearly snaps you find on a western shirt, the kind that men like to slowly open as they are dancing with cute, respectable girls. just how many open snaps is too many, you ask? well, internet, i can tell you, cause i found the limit. let's just say that opening all the snaps is well past the limit. i think we can leave it at that.

but the truest, clearest, most definitely defined limit has to do with me & cheese. don't get between me & my cheese. and this friend of mine crossed this precious line. you see, there had been some hard-core flirting going on as this friend was slicing cheese & putting it on triscuits. we had been peacefully sharing said cheese & crackers for quite some time. but then this friend chose to, unannounced, end this cheese & cracker session. so, of course, i rightfully (and coquettishly) reached over and snatched the last piece of cheese before he could eat it.

what happens next is something that i can only see in one of those football-slo-mo-replay kind of ways. this friend tried to grab the cheese away of from me (phew!) and we he failed (obviously. i am the cheese queen) he GRABBED ME, TOOK ME DOWN TO THE GROUND, REACHED INTO MY MOUTH, GRABBED THE SLICE OF CHEESE AND ATE IT. it was amazing. 'what the fuck just happened?' his response? 'i do it to kids all the time...'

so, lesson learned. some people just don't have limits. and they're totally the most fun.

8.10.2004

Yee Haw! And, Sigh...

yee haw: i am so pleased that when it takes me a whole seven days to update e2theLos y'all are chomping at the bit for me to post! i love it!

and, sigh: my first love is engaged. to a probably delightful girl, and, in fact, when i met her she was cute as a button, but we shall henceforth refer to her as The Ho. my first love & i have known each other since fourth grade and he was my first friend when i moved to tulsa. and we loved each other. i mean, we each dated others, but no one really counted until we went to college, and then he met The Ho. they've been dating ever since, and i've dated all over the place, but The Ho wasn't supposed to count for real.

and then as i was telling the story of how he lost his virginity - i mean how i heard he lost his virginity - this past saturday, i get a call from him. speak of the devil. "hey emily. call me back!!!" and i knew. i totally knew he was engaged to The Ho. so of course, i don't immediately call back. and then today i get two emails. "have you lost your phone? is your number wrong? CALL ME BACK!"

and, sigh, it's true. he's engaged. to The Ho. good news is we still have a year to break it up.

8.03.2004

OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMIGOD!!!!!

I'VE BEEN WAITING 3 1/2 YEARS!