Establishing Limits

so a friend of mine came to visit last week. he was driving from texas to canada, so he stopped in for a week's visit. from the moment he got here, it seemed, his visit was an exercise in establishing limits.

we started with beer, and it didn't take too long to find out how many is too many. next we turned to nachos. then rolaids. it seems the limit for rolaids is, in fact, higher than nachos. then there was snoring. oh. my. God. the snoring. my snoring threshold is unsurprisingly low, and i was down the hall & in jessica's bed in a flash. next there were snaps. what IS the limit for snaps? i'm talking about those pearly snaps you find on a western shirt, the kind that men like to slowly open as they are dancing with cute, respectable girls. just how many open snaps is too many, you ask? well, internet, i can tell you, cause i found the limit. let's just say that opening all the snaps is well past the limit. i think we can leave it at that.

but the truest, clearest, most definitely defined limit has to do with me & cheese. don't get between me & my cheese. and this friend of mine crossed this precious line. you see, there had been some hard-core flirting going on as this friend was slicing cheese & putting it on triscuits. we had been peacefully sharing said cheese & crackers for quite some time. but then this friend chose to, unannounced, end this cheese & cracker session. so, of course, i rightfully (and coquettishly) reached over and snatched the last piece of cheese before he could eat it.

what happens next is something that i can only see in one of those football-slo-mo-replay kind of ways. this friend tried to grab the cheese away of from me (phew!) and we he failed (obviously. i am the cheese queen) he GRABBED ME, TOOK ME DOWN TO THE GROUND, REACHED INTO MY MOUTH, GRABBED THE SLICE OF CHEESE AND ATE IT. it was amazing. 'what the fuck just happened?' his response? 'i do it to kids all the time...'

so, lesson learned. some people just don't have limits. and they're totally the most fun.