8.17.2004

ladies and gentleman, i bring to you my first ever guest post!!!
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e2theLos: cute blogger or diabolical jokester?!
By Bees Bacon

It was one simple practical joke with a hundred funny outcomes. I laughed, I cried, I learned a thing or twelve about my so-called friends.

I came back to my car after my frisbee game in the park a few nights ago and was putting my stuff in the back when I noticed that I had a bumper sitcker on my heretofore pristine bumper. Someone had chosen my car to emblazon with an "I (Heart) _____" bumper sticker. It was dark, so my teammate had to lean over and look a little closer to to see what was written in pen in small capital letters in the blank part. That's when he said my second favorite line from the whole season: "Bonnie, it says cock. I'm not kidding, it really says cock."

Lesson #1: Boys only make personalized cock jokes.
Horrified that some random hoodlum had chosen my car to violate with a bumper sticker that "really says cock," I assumed the culprit must have been my friend and teammate Charlie simply because he had the opportunity to stick it on my car in the parking lot because he had left the game early. He was totally offended that not only had I accused him at all, but that I suspected him of coming up with something as boring as "cock." "If I had done it," he later explained like it was perfectly logical, "it would have said I Heart Charlie's Cock."

Lesson #2: Don't play poker with e2thelos.
I forgot all about it until the next night when e2thelos and I were parking on our block and I showed it to her saying, "Oh My Gawd, look what happened to my car!" and "Can you believe someone did this?" and "I think Charlie might have done it!" and "Does this kind of thing happen to other people?!" - I went on and on. Emily looked at it, and appropriately burst out laughing and said it was so funny, etc. At no point in the conversation did I get even a glimmer that she could have done it. For real yo, that girl can keep a straight face.

Lesson #3: D is no freaking help and you should play poker with the Weave.
So the following night I showed it to D saying, "Isn't it crazy someone would do that?!" and he says something like, "Oh she's been talking about doing that for weeks." And I'm like, "Huh? What!?" And he's all, "uh... I mean ... I have no idea what you're talking about..." and made the oops-cat's-out-of-the-bag face. I tried grilling him about it, but he clammed up. I knew it was not Jess because she could not write the word "cock" because she's simply too prissy. And I thought it could be the Weave, because she would think it was hysterical, but she would fear my revenge by doing something to her ghetto ride. Which left me with e2thelos, but it was unconfirmed until the Weave came home and gave her up by not being able to keep from giggling like a fourth grader when I asked her about it.

Lesson #4: Salt + your wound = your friends' entertainment.
That night e2thelos finally admitted doing it and everyone had a good laugh. 10 minutes later, they had darkened the ink on "cock" so you could see it better and added the word "moist" from our refrigerator magnetic poetry above it.