10.29.2004

October

at the beginning of october i predicted that it would be a good month for me, since it got off to such an auspicious start and all. it did not let me down. here is a recap of october, in all it's glory. (categorized, of course.)

things that made me happy:
- spending 2 great nights with all my college roommates
- wandering in central market, aisle by aisle
- discovering that candle-lit showers can be even better if you're alone
- rediscovering my bat socks..3 bats AH AH AH
- falling even harder for mos def due to track 11, the new danger
- my date with aykut

things that made me cry those bittersweet, happy tears:
- driving through south texas after a great weekend home
- sitting at dinner with my father, having an adult conversation, and realizing this was the first time we had been alone in years
- leroy all snuggled up under the electric blanket
- jamie cullum's version of jeff buckley's 'lover, you should have come over'

things that made me proud:
- watching anne walk down the aisle
- cleaning out my closet & finally getting my wardrobe in order
- working out again
- ever-politely helping the strange man in the wine store whom at first i thought was just weird, then i thought was on drugs, but finally figured out he was mentally challenged
- capitol bite night with dc central kitchen

things that should have made me not-proud, but didn't:
- eating a complete five guys burger...with fries & a root beer
- flirting my way to illegally duplicating copyrighted material
- saying fuck in front of a 2 year old
- flirting with the south african minister at anne's wedding
- actually pausing to consider having sex in the bathroom with that hot, hot black doctor

and you know what else? i have the best two days ahead of me yet.
november, i'm ready for ya.

10.28.2004

This Is How I Sometimes Start My Days

i stand on my front porch & yell, "HELLO WORLD, ARE YOU READY FOR ME?!"

today is a great day.

10.26.2004

Tool


baby needs some prilosec otc

10.22.2004

John Carlos

until last monday, my father didn't use a computer. had no knowledge of them whatsoever. he had never emailed. he didn't know what an attachment was. he called the mouse "that arrow thing." his favorite jokes (at which he, and only he, laughed) were, "i can't even spell email." and "yeah, that internet. i really think it's gonna catch on."

but last monday started his 55th year and new era in the life of John Carlos, as he was mercilessly thrust into technology. and i am tickled pink. here are the first emails i have received from my dad, unedited.

1. Emmo-sorry about the delay. I'm a very busy and important man. El jeffe.
2. Bill gates has nothing on me. I'm turning into computer nerd .
3. Dude! Can you say gooooooooooooooooooogle?
4. I'm leaving early. Gotta pimp my ride. It's the weekend!

that's my father, internet, 'pimping his ride'for all the 'computer nerds' to see. 'dude.'



From Blurbomat

No on 3

It's pretty clear that most people in the United States are uncomfortable with gay marriage. I have no idea why, other than ignorance and fear. I've not heard one valid reason why consenting adults shouldn't be allowed to marry.

This year, the religious are going crazy, crazy, crazy with legislation to keep marriage "as we've always known it." An amendment to the State Constitution is being proposed. If the initiative passes, it will be overturned, but nevertheless, the conservatives feel their marriages are threatened.

Even crazier, the Mormons are all about limiting the marital rights of others, even though at one time, certain states passed an extermination order to kill Mormons precisely because of their marital doctrines, amongst other things.

It is the opinion of Blurbomat that consenting adults should be allowed to enter marriage. Gay or plural, marriage is the right of the citizenry. Not "civil unions" or any other such thing. Marriage. Despite common sitcom plot structure and media stereotyping, marriage falls under the "... and pursuit of happiness" part of what is left of the Constitution. If one brings God up into the discussion, it doesn't make the argument against gay marriage stronger, because God's will is subject to wide debate and not known for certain. Blurbomat doesn't need the state to "protect" my marriage. That's between me and my spouse to figure out, not the government. Or your God.

Open, tolerant cultures do better than closed, scared ones.

Sadly, it is in such times that great opportunity to lead and rise is lost. Those that preach intolerance and forgiveness and faith miss a wonderful opportunity to include others when they marginalize those who believe differently. It doesn't take more than 30 seconds into the debate over marriage rights to see that it's about God. If you believe in God, why don't you want your brothers and sisters to be happy? If they want to marry, to show their love, why would you deny them this? Because of stories from an old book, which may or may not be true, despite what you might think? We don't live in ancient times. We live today.

These are dangerous times, but Blurbomat believes that it's time to stand up and say let go of fear. Time to stand up and say that people deserve to be happy. People deserve to not live in the margins. People deserve to be accepted into the mainstream. Except for the indie fundamentalists who are always hipper than the rest of us and living in the mainstream is totally selling out.

In our lifetime, people have died for freedom, whether we want to see it as such or not. When people died in New York, in Washington and Pennsylvania, they died because they live in a free country. They died not to celebrate fundamentalism. Not to celebrate religious intolerance or partisanship. They were taken prematurely from this life because of freedom. Freedom to not believe in one God but many. Freedom to not even believe in God. Freedom to say that our elected leaders are morons. Freedom to say that the system is flawed. Freedom to go to any church they wanted or none at all. Are their lives for naught?

We should imagine a future that is full of hope not fear. And to make that future happen. With our vote. I'm voting against Proposition 3 in Utah. Gay marriage should be allowed in this country.



10.20.2004

The Unfriendly Skies

last friday i flew to texas. it was (almost)a total disaster.

7:35am bees & i leave the house, luggage in tow.
7:40am arrive caribou coffee, get bees a mocha.
...stuck in traffic...stuck in traffic...stuck in traffic...
7:58am finally arrive reagan national airport. i am already checked in, via the internet, and have decided to carry on my luggage because God forbid if something happened and it got lost i would be totally screwed for the entire weekend.
8:01am realize that i am at the back of the longest line of tired-not-yet-had-my-coffee-slugs creeping forward to the security check point.
8:05am still inching forward
8:08am still inching forward
8:12am FUCK! i realize that i have tweezers in my suitcase. and not just any ole tweezers, but super-duper sharp tweezers that could definitely be used to take over the cockpit and create a national disaster.
8:12am i jump out of line and race back up to the continental desk to check my bag.
8:13am the machine won't let me check the bag and indicates that i need to "seek assistance from a continental representative."
8:13am i look around for said representative. i notice that there is NO ONE else in line and that there are 4 representatives standing around chatting.
8:14am [los:] "pardon me, i hate to interrupt you, but i had to jump out of line downstairs when i realized i'd never make it through security with tweezers in my bag. so now i need to check it, but the machine says i need you. can you please help me? my flight leaves in 15 minutes."
8:14am [Geneva l.:] "of course! anwar, can you check this bag?"
8:15am [f. anwar:] "of course! let me see your boarding pass."
8:15am i give her my boarding pass. she types something in. frowns. [f. anwar:] "oh no. we cannot check your bag. it is less than 30 minutes to your departure time."
8:15am [los:] "is that some sort of new policy? i have never heard of that before."
8:15am [f. anwar:] "yes. well, hmmm...we have an 11:30 flight you could take. how's that?"
8:15am [geneva l.] "it's just a flight to houston, right?"
8:15am scowl at geneva l. [los:] "11:30? i'm here now. and i have to get to houston. okay, how about you check my bag on that flight and i catch this one?"
8:16am [f. anwar:] "no, no definitely not. you cannot fly separate from your bags. no."
8:16am starting to get pissed. [los:] "oh, i see. but if you lose my bag then you're perfectly happy to send it separate from me. of course."
8:16am [f. anwar:] "that is completely different."
8:16am [geneva l.:] "yeah, that is completely different."
8:16am [los:] "so let me get this straight - you won't check my bag on this flight, and you won't check it on the next flight either. so, can i fed ex the tweezers to myself or something? they are very expensive and i would rather not just throw them away."
8:17am [f. anwar:] "no, no, no. but they might not take them away. you never know."
8:17am [los:] "okay. thanks."
8:17am i make my way back downstairs, only to realize that the line of slugs has practically doubled and i have less than 15 minutes to make my flight. i very politely approach the lady with 4-inch finger nails who is attempting to herd the slugs into distinct lines and say, [los:] "pardon me, but my flight leaves in less than 15 minutes. see? here's my boarding pass. i know we can usually move ahead to the front of the line if we're going to miss our flight, so, may i?"
8:18am [totally incompetent TSA lady with 4-inch nails:] "aw no, uh-uh baby. you cain't do that 'less one of them gate reps vouches for you."
8:18am [los:] "what?! you're kidding me! one of them has to walk me down here?!"
8:18am [totally incompetent TSA lady with 4-inch nails:] "uh-huh."
8:18am sigh. i run back upstairs to find that there is still no one else at the continental ticket counter and the same four gate reps, including f. anwar & geneva l., are still standing around talking, only this time geneva l. is looking at wrapping paper.
8:19am [geneva l.:] "yeah, let me see taylor's school book. i'll buy some wrapping paper."
8:19am [los:] "i'm sorry to bother y'all again, but it seems that i can't bypass the line for the security check point unless one of y'all goes down with me - i know, it's silly. i even showed them by boarding pass to prove my flight time, but they still insist that one of y'all has to escort me. so, would you mind?" *smile*
8:20am [geneva l.:] taking a momentary break from her engrossing book of wrapping paper samples, "no."
8:20am [los:] "excuse me?!"
8:20am [f. anwar:] "we don't do that."
8:20am [los:] making a point to look around and notice that NO ONE else is there needing assistance, "oh i see. you don't ACTUALLY assist your customers, but you DO stand around and talk for 10 minutes! i just need your help for a minute; i am going to miss my flight."
8:21am [f. anwar:] "ma'am, we don't do that."
8:21am LIVID. "so, you won't check my bag for this flight, you won't check it on the next flight, AND FINALLY you won't help me carry on this bag?! y'all are doing a great job!"
8:21am [f. anwar:] "if we do it for you, we have to do it for everyone."
8:21am [los:] "you mean do your job. HA!"
8:22am [f. anwar:] "all i can do is check you on to the next flight at 11:30."
8:22am [geneva l.:] the same fucker who piped up earlier with 'you're just going to houston, right?' says, "it's just 3 hours."
8:22am i was about to climb over the ticket counter and beat her over the head with the wrapping paper sample book, i was so angry. [los:] "just 3 hours?! who ARE you?! fine, f. anwar, check me through on the next flight."
8:23am [f. anwar:] "give me your boarding pass." so i slam the boarding pass down on the counter, and f. anwar has the audacity to THROW IT BACK AT ME. she. threw. it. "you know, i don't have to check you through to houston...", she threatened.
8:23am i wanted to say 'well apparently you don't have to do a damn bit of work, so maybe you DON'T have to check me through! who knows?' but then i remembered that seinfeld episode where the skycap purposely checks his bag to honolulu, so all i said, very calmly, very seriously, was [los:] "yes, you do."

motherfucking continental.

10.13.2004

Things My Roommates Have Said to Me in the Past 24 Hours

[los:] man, those beastie boys are old, but ad rock is hot!
[weave:] sigh. i've always been a mike-d girl.

*****

[bees:] yeah, i'm pretty sure i'm going straight to hell.
[los:] but you'll be in great company!
[bees:] yeah - me and SteveSchulte will sit in lawn chairs drinking acid on the
banks of the firey river making fun of all the other denziens of hell.

*****

[los:] jess your ass is a toy!
[jess:] yes, but not for you.

*****

[bees:] man, i live with some funny bitches!
[los:] and there dads! well, no, don't live with my dad...
[weave:] but you're dad's hot! no wait - he sounds hot!! that's it! he sounds hot!!

*****

[weave:] i thought tupac was the shit even when he was alive.

*****

[bees:] go find my halo, biatch. It's the one with the built-in cigarette lighter.

10.12.2004

Buggin'

here at e2theLos there's little we enjoy more than making fun of public figures. from celebrities to politicians to sports figures, we think there are a lot of silly, asinine people in the world - so why not call them out?!

yes, internet, we bring to you the *newest* feature on e2theLos: TOOL.

periodically you'll find an update on who we think is a big, ole tool - sometimes with an explanation. (although, if you're cool at all, you'll know why. and agree!) and if you think there's a big tool we should highlight, you can send your suggestions to why you gotta at hotmail dot com. we're an equal opportunity snark.


TOOL


10.07.2004

Things People Said to Me While Buying Wine for Tuesday Night's Debate

"i'm going to a friend's house & he can't cook. i mean he can't cook. i need a lot of wine."

"what goes well with popcorn?"

"i'm wildly partisan; my predictions don't matter."

"i think cheney is going to wipe the floor with that sleazebag."

"do you have any wines from wyoming?"

"this is really going to dull the pain."

"what can i do to convince you to vote for john kerry?"

"you mean they actually make you work tonight?!"

"i think this is the only one the republicans are going to win."

"i'm just going to get rip-roaring drunk."

and, my personal favorite: "if edwards doesn't beat that evil, geriatric twit i am going to slit my wrists."

10.06.2004

Oh Yeah Baby

today's theme song: sexy motherfucker by prince

10.05.2004

In Honor of Tonight's Debate


kristin & john forever

Confidential to Beckham Woodard

dear becks,

we have a little something to discuss. it seems a behavior is developing that i just won't tolerate.

i know you're cute and you have these fantastic ears and it's really nice when you sleep on my neck and you have a weave to rival your mama's. but that only goes so far when you are chewing holes in my leather heels.

you hit me where it hurts, wee becks. this means war. and i'm way bigger than you.

sincerely,
e2theLos

10.01.2004

it's over

i think my computer is breaking up with me. i'm not sure, but he seems to be distancing himself from me, and the more i try to make it better, the more offensive i become. i mean, i've tried petting him. i've tried talking to him nicely. i even tried taping pretty drawings and positive sayings to his screen. nothing worked - he just decided to take take longer in opening attachments.

i've tried making excuses for his inadequacies. to myself and others. 'he's just having a bad day.' 'he doesn't mean to make me look computer un-savvy.' 'my not being able to even turn him on today doesn't mean he's trying to completely humiliate me...he'd never do that...' but the more excuses i made, the more i knew that things weren't working. he just isn't committed to this relationship.

the worst part his, he clearly doesn't have the nerve to make a clean break. oh no, he's driving me to do it. he thinks he can wear me down with his stalling as i try to switch screens. or the way he can just suddenly pretend that the mouse isn't attached anymore. and don't even get me started on how he thinks it's okay to have just one functioning speaker ...slack ass.

but he has totally underestimated me. i will not give him the easy way out. i will not do his dirty work for him. if he wants to end this partnership then dammit he's going to have to grow a hard drive and take the matter into his own ram.

Prediction

so far today i:
-was given a complimentary bottle of the wine of my choice by best cellars,
-found a newspaper, which is better luck than it sounds because i was unable to watch the debate last night and am a total style section addict, so i this lucky find satisfied two, count em two, urgent desires,
-was treated to coffee & a muffin by a coworker,
-was given a gorgeous rose ring by yet a different coworker!!
-was able to preorder the *new* mos def album,
-and finally, someone described my necklace as "pow!" and then said, "you know, like emily."

i predict october is going to be a very good month for me.