why ARE there so many single girls in their 30s these days, bridget?

"fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. oh, and fuck you."

i was yelling. in the middle of an empty metro station.

i had just seen this.

make your friends live vicariously through you.

make them wish they were one of those girls, those girls who squeal with delight as they show off their engagement ring; only they're not gazing down at the ring anymore - they're looking at the single girls faces, hoping they are squirming with jealousy. "that's right. carlton picked it out all himself. i love him. he's perfect." you just love your three carat hunk of coal for which some poor boy from sierra leone lost an arm. hope you're happy, brianne.

make them wish they were one of those girls who suddenly points at things with her left hand, gets a manicure every four days to keep her hands just so, who waves at waiters from across the dining room just to see her diamond flicker and shine in the candlelight. "excuse me, more veuve clicquot." snap snap.

excuse me while i vomit all over your cushion cut, six-pronged platinum, self-validator.

whoever approved this ad campaign, (ahem ahem marketing director over at a diamond is forever dot com) is a misdirected tool. and, if i can ever figure out who it is, i'll be telling them just that.