Excerpts From Emails Sent Today

please pause whilst i vomit.

if you're nice to me, i'll let you make me breakfast.

you eat a lot of eggs. you're like a mongoose.

yes, i am stalking you.

that was probably a slip - cause you're a big WHORE!

of course i'm wearing underwear.

just think - you get to spend 5 whole days with ME!

you know, this whole calming down thing really wasn't working, anyway.

don't fret - obi wan luvs you.

be there or be made fun of.

oh man, i hope these is a bar close by.

you know, the boy i keep in the basement.

i'm sorry; you forgot to mention the hot black musician.

here's a photo of my imaginary boyfriend.

i wuz starin' at yo boo-tay cause it's my du-tay.