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In Case of an Emergency

Internet -

This message shall serve as your official warning as to the level of feistiness you are currently experiencing. The below chart is an easy-to-read, color-based guide, designed for all ranges of familiarity with feistiness.

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Your current level of fiestiness is: HIGH.

HIGH levels of fiestiness are characterized by a sassy mouth and a spiked sense of humor.

SEVERE levels of fiestiness are known for the suggestion of truth or dare, flashing and practical jokes.

Common triggers causing an increase in level from HIGH to SEVERE are known to be vodka, flirting, and the proximity of exciting social plans.

Please note that the status of said feistiness can change abruptly and without warning. It is best to stay prepared. For more information on preparedness, please visit: www.readyforfeistye.gov

Your Local Office of Fiest


He Strikes Again, That Borf

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...Till You Funk

tuesday night we crunked it on the porch. we had so much fun i had to go to bed early. but before i did, i sent myself a text message with specific words from the outrageous conversations that night, to jog my memory and so that i could share them with you, internet.

but now that i'm decrunkified, i have no idea what this means:

"Labia. peed. Girls. sex. Feet."

i am so amused.
*update - i was just looking through old work notes, and i came across this, written in really big, bold letters:



How to Freak Out Your Coworkers, As Evidenced By e2theLos

show up to work on a monday morning really cheery. say 'good morning' to strangers. smile at everyone. be able to complete a sentence that doesn't end in: dammit; you're gonna have to give me a minute; wait, i haven't had my coffee yet; or a yawn.

i'm telling you, they're running scared.


I Can't Stop Twitching

i just spent the last two hours on the phone with john, my techie, in an, apparently, futile attempt to save my email account. john is in charleston, west virginia on a wildlife refuge with deer and geese (although they hiss, and you aren't allowed to kick them) and an occasional bear, where it's sunny and they have email.

i am sitting at my desk, it's cloudy out and i have no email. life is unfair.

i am an email addict. really, an addict. my blackberry wasn't called my marion barry for nothing. i have my server set to check for my email every 60 seconds. i read it immediately as it comes in. some of my finest prose, my funniest moments, my most impressive professional accomplishments have occurred via email.

and yet today i was reduced to this:

"hello, email help desk, this is john."


so we tried to uninstall, reinstall, clean up the folders, reboot and it's just, well, dead. now someone from the email powers that be is supposed to call me back to resuscitate my email.

until then, i'll just be sitting here twitching with this taped to my desk -

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Hey Y'all - Remember Me?!?!

i'm baaaaaaaaa-aaaaaack!

and just in case you forgot:

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my comments hoster lost it's server, so i'm in the process of hooking up another one. i hope to transfer all the old comments. it's doubtful, but i'd hate to lose all your snarky-ass comments.

***update: new comments up and running!