7.22.2005

Don't Eat That

stopped at a red light last night at 7th & mass i traded silly faces with a little blonde boy in the back of a mini-van. this afternoon on the metro i played peek-a-boo with a chubby-cheeked, two-year-old girl.

i think there should be zipkid.com. just like zipcar.com, there's a membership fee, a background check, and a credit card on retainer. then, when you feel like you need some kid time, you just hop on line, choose the most suitable for the occasion, pick it up from its current location and - voila! all the fun & play of a kid (with insurance!) for just $8.50 an hour. plus, you can return it just before happy hour.

genius.

7.14.2005

National Weather Service Alert from Agent Getz

MIAMI - A tropical depression in the Atlantic has developed into Emily

That's a record fifth named storm that has tried an at-home makeover, with much success but as passers-by will comment, oh, that last storm Dennis, well he was just a fashion DISASTER!

The new storm, Emily, is about 5-4, long black hair, with all the right curves and the titties you want. She resides in the middle of the capitol of the free world, an area smashed between the small state of Maryland and the commonwealth of Virginia where a few hottie brothas make her swoon.

According to the National Hurricane Center - in Miami - Emily has great legs, looks fabu in boots, and can wear a pair of dungarees that shows off her booty. It is expected that bubbly personality will strengthen as she absorbs wine on Tuesday, while gradually being more sexy as the night goes on. The projected path of Emily is still unknown, but friends of the storm say that she’s just the sweetest thing.

7.08.2005

On The Box: A Trend

so there's been this thing on blogs lately. one person creates a list of five things that society-at-large likes/gets/appreciates/whatever, yet he/she doesn't. they publish and then tap a friend to the same, and so on & so forth. since no one else i know has a blog, no one has tapped me, but i've actually spent quite a while thinking about this because, really, my list could probably get to be about a million and five things.

but when you stop to think about it, it's actually quite interesting. i've said it before, and i'll say it again: people are just weird. especially people who like/get/appreciate/whatever the things below.

1. futons. i just don't get futons. it's sort of a bed, sort of a couch, but really it's just an uncomfortable platform covered with a cheap, and usually hard, mind you, pad. outside of the singles/grunge era in seattle when all you did was moan about how much you love alice in chains and think about how long it'll take to grow your hair to an appropriately shaggy length, i just can't fathom why you'd would bother with a futon - just make a pallette on the floor and be done with it. i mean who buys this crap?! and these USED futons on craig's list that people describe as "functional" or "stylish" or "space-economic" just leave me speechless. well, apparently not really.

2. leonardo dicaprio. here's the thing: he looks like he's 12, he doesn't even need to shave, he has floppy hair & a feminine voice. and i'm fairly certain he likes kiddie porn. enough said.

3. fake nails. who are you kidding? they're gross. and frankly, they look like they hurt. i don't think your fingernails are enough of a focal point to need to stick some sort of plastic? acrylic? thing on the end. they just look so fake that i think it distracts from the goal (even though, i don't really know what that is).

4. jagermeister. EW.

5. full-butt panties. usually, these do more harm than good. a panty line will do even the best butt a disservice. the panty line cuts the cheek in half and just makes it look so...cut in half. so why, why?, do i see so many girls out there making a grave mistake?! i tell myself maybe they don't have a mirror. or any friends to tell them right from wrong. maybe i should create a PSA: ladies, it's all about the booty - but don't draw negative attention to it. get yourself a thong or a tanga - hell, even go without. it's better. i promise.